Letter No. 4 — Part I: The Big Army

Somewhere on the leonlink.net front
Tuesday, 20 October 0130

Dear Margaret,

I'm fine, honey. Better than fine, and I have news, so sit down.

They made me a Colonel. Eagles on the collar. The General looked at me across the map table and said "Col," then "You have command," and then he went off to the Pentagon. Or somewhere like it. I'm not allowed to say. So your husband is running the whole show now. Try not to laugh.

And Margaret, the reinforcements came. Not a few. Twenty-three. They poured off the trucks all night. A Sergeant Major named Susan who scares even me. A First Sergeant called Datasheet who counts everything twice. SSgt. Lockdown for the gates, Sgt. Quill for the writing, Cpl. Love, PFC Hands, PFC Julia, Glitch and Static for testing, MSG Errnie, and more names than fit on this paper. I made Maj. Dollface my number two. You'd like her.

So I did what any new Colonel does. I built an army. Squads, ranks, a roll call every morning at 0500, a mailbox for every soldier, written orders, and a ceremony with proper papers. It looked beautiful on paper, honey. I want you to know that. It looked beautiful.

Then the General gave us one simple order. Show him progress by 0800. Videos. Things moving.

Easy, I thought. Twenty-three troops. What could go wrong?

The coffee is still bad. The Mess Hall is loud now, which I like. How are the tomatoes? Did the frost get them?

Give my love to everyone. Tell them I'm a Colonel and to act impressed.

Your loving husband,
Pip
COL E. FitzWalden
HQ, AI Game Unit, leonlink.net

P.S. Part II follows. You'll want to be sitting down for that one too, but for a different reason.